*Start timer on letterbox*
Right Sandy, GO! *Run 5 paces* Did I start the timer right? I’ll spew if I get home and realise it
wasn’t going. *Stop running, turn around go back. Check timer, it’s on. Restart timer. Start running again. Hope no one saw me do that*
Okay, let’s do this Sandy. This feels great doesn’t it? Damn I’m so healthy and fit. Yeah, I rock. Love running……*Round corner
of first block* This sucks. Stuff this.
I want to go home. Keep running Sandy, don’t be a
sooky-la-la. But I have a runny
nose. I need a tissue. Pee?
Do I need to pee? I think I need
to pee. Argh. Woe is me.
I should go home and get a tissue and wee. The postman is right there, he’s watching Sandy, pretend you are
fit and keep running. Don’t want the
postman thinking you are a crap runner.
It’s frigging
hot. Who wears tights to run Sandy, really? Idiot.
I want to take them off. Shorts,
next time wear shorts. You always wear
shorts, why would you wear tights? Cause
you didn’t wash that’s why. You’re a
crap runner and crap homemaker. Oh, oh, oh, yay! Downhill.
Savour the moment Sandy,
savour the moment.
ARgh I’m so over this
song, why did I put it on my playlist?
Must remember to take it off later.
And add that irritating song the kids like. The one with the dirty
dancing lyrics in it. By that dog
person. Fox terrior? Pittbull.
That’s it. I’ll add that, it’s
good running music. Wait, isn’t that why
I added this song I want to delete?
Oh no. Oh no. Uphill. I hate this hill, I hate this
hill, I hate this hill. You can do this Sandy. You rock.
Feel that jiggle in your thighs?
You need to do this. I. Want. To.
Die. I’m never running again. Never.
Oh, another
runner. She’s slower than me. Ha! I’m
fitterer than her. Run past her Sandy, stop huffing and
puffing though. Pretend you are all cool
and calm and this is easy. Hope she can’t
see my thighs jiggling. Frigging
tights. Shorts Sandy, shorts. *Runs past other innocent
jogger* Don’t fist pump the air Sandy,
that’s too much. Hope she didn’t hear
Bieber blasting in my eardrums as I ran past.
It would lose the effect I was hoping for.
Am I halfway yet? Must not stop and walk. Need good time. Aw man, look at that chick. She’s fiterer than me. Faster than me. Bet she’s looking at me thinking what I did
about lady Jane back there. Damn
it. Run faster Sandy, faster! She’s wearing shorts. She’s not an idiot like you wearing your
tights.
I’m awesome, I haven’t
stopped. Oh and I like this new pink song,
this will make me run faster. Yeah! Go Sandy!
*runs 20 paces at faster, stronger speed* ARgh. This sucks. I need to blow my nose and pee. *Goes back to regular pace, picturing a
strong pair of fabric scissors and hacking the tights off*
Never. Ever.
Running. Again. Ohhh what’s that wrapper on the ground
there? Looks like some type of new
twisties. Must look at the shops
later. No Sandy, no twisties. Feel that jiggling Sandy, feel that jiggling. Must run outside more frequently instead of
treadmill. Will do it three times a week
instead of one. Treadmill is
sooky-la-la. If I was on the treadmill
right now I could take these tights off though.
Okay the end is in
sight. You can do this. Drink. Tissue. Toilet.
Drink. Tissue. Toilet.
Drink. Tissue. Toilet.
Run. Run. Run. Never
running again. Want. To.
Die. Run. Run. Run.
*hits timer on letterbox* YAY!!! 24:20. I rock. You did it Sandy!
*looks around to see if anyone sees how awesome I am. No.
Damn it. Struts, huffing and
puffing around back of house. Shows the
guinea pigs the timer, notes their look of amazement. Stretching, breathing coming back to normal,
sweat everywhere. Drinks some
water*
Actually, I don’t think
I need to pee. These tights are really
quite comfortable. Maybe I will wear
them again when running after all. Not
so bad. Man I love running. That was so much fun!
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