Night duty kills brain cells...

I reckon if they conducted some sort of study they would conclude that by the end of a night shift a person has lost 50% of their brain capacity and functioning. I will contribute some of my own personal experiences as examples of this:

*Just the other day, I get home from night shift and decide to read my book for a while to wind down. After reading a chapter I put the book on the bathroom sink while I have a shower. I get into my PJ’s and climb into bed, grabbing my book off the bedside table to read some more before I go to sleep. I can’t find where I thought I’d marked the page which is a bit odd, but I am used to thinking I have done things and finding I haven’t (not necessarily a post-night-duty thing either) so I find roughly where I think I’m up to and start reading. I read a page, most perplexed because the story just isn’t flowing for me although it does sound somewhat familiar…odd. So I turn back another chapter thinking I’ve just skipped forward too far. I read 3 or 4 pages very confused but persisting thinking it’s just because I am so tired. It finally clicks when I glance up the top of a page and see the book title. Wrong book. I am reading one I read a few weeks ago. Yes I did laugh openly at myself – anyone observing the whole scenario would have thought me a complete lunatic.

*It’s always a school day when I’m sleeping after night shift and I set my alarm for 2pm so I can get up and get changed and have something to eat before I pick the kids up from school. Twice I have slept through my alarm and awoken just after 3pm in a mad panic realizing I am already late to pick them up. One particular day I woke up in total confusion….I panicked…I’ve missed the alarm. Where am I? What day is it? What time was I supposed to wake up? Where am I late for? I jump out of bed and run into the bathroom frantically pulling my jeans on from off the floor before searching for a bra and shirt. Where are my shoes?? My hair is everywhere and my eyes are wild and I’m stressing big time. Then I stop. What the hell am I doing? I look at the time…and realize it is 11am. I’ve only slept for an hour and a half, and I still have several hours before I need to be up. I pull my jeans off and climb back into bed feeling like an idiot. Again…witnesses would have been highly amused.

*One morning I decided to be super duper organized and sit some meat out of the freezer to defrost for dinner that night whilst I slept after night shift. I remember climbing into bed that morning thinking how awesome I was. I’d finished my shift, picked up the kids and taken them to school before I came home as I always did. How amazing am I? I thought to myself - juggling working shift work and still getting the kids to school, and organizing dinner and all that. SuperMum, that’s me. When I woke up from my sleep and came out to grab something to eat before I picked the kids up I looked at the kitchen sink. What the hell? Who sat the icecream out of the freezer??? Er….okay, we are having melted milky off smelling icecream for dinner tonight huh?

And the effects of night shift can actually linger for up to 48 hours afterwards. And you may find yourself doing something absolutely ridiculous like posting a letter to your Nana that was actually highly personal and not at all for your Nana. And not realize until later when you find the ACTUAL letter that was intended for your Nana still sitting in the printer when it is too late and the confidential and private letter is sitting in a post office somewhere waiting to be sent to the wrong recipient. Well done.

Oh and then there was the first time I tried wearing a sleeping mask as advised by my fellow shift workers to "improve" my sleep post night shift. I felt like I was in a movie as I put it on and laid in bed...how glamorous! I woke up an hour later in a frenzy...I can't see!! I can't see!!! Wait - what the hell is on my face!!!??? And by the time I ripped it off my eyes I was in quite a fluster and had a hard time getting back to sleep.

Those are just a FEW examples of the after effects of night shifts. Seriously, it’s crazy the stuff I do. I’m usually hitting about 27 hours without sleep by the time I get to bed, and the longer it goes on the more bizarre my behaviour gets. I should make a badge or something to wear so that the people at the kids school, at the petrol station , the gym, or the supermarket - wherever I venture after night shift - are aware that I am functioning with only half my usual brain cells intact.

First day of year 1 and year 5...

No tears today!! Most impressive :D All three of us managed to keep it together! A lot of Bailey's friends weren't coming back this year, so I expected that to make today hard for him, but he was great! Emma was super brave! She was very worried, clung to me a bit when we got there, but then gave me a tight little smile and wave as she filed off to class with her new teacher!

My house feels so very very quiet and empty again! Have loads to do - washing, folding, ironing, exciting stuff like that. Was going to do some yoga but not so sure now lol, also crucial - must wash blowdry and straighten hair. Considered a nap since I am on night shift tonight, but I never do that so why start now? Oh, and really ought to do some writing, I have been SO very slack with it all. Told myself once school goes back though I'd put a better effort it, so no more excuses huh.

On that note...I'll go be productive I think.

Night out....

Catching people out...

You know those moments you have when you do something and desperately hope nobody saw it? Like when a piece of food falls out of your mouth when you are eating, you half trip on something, or realise your undies are hanging out the back of your pants or something? I love catching people in those moments and giving them a knowing smile. If I know them, I'll tell them, just so there is no doubt in their minds "I SO saw that!". But if it's a stranger or someone I don't know all that well, I'll be a little more discreet about it.

Like at the grocery shops the other day, in the personal hygiene section or whatever its called, some chick grabs a bottle of lubricant off the shelf and then very carefully arranges in her trolley so it's covered up by the bread and cereal and stuff. I smiled as I walked past her and she looked at me with a panicked "did she see that?" look on her face. YES I TOTALLY SAW IT! I wanted to yell. But the smile was enough....she knew. ha.

Or when a dude quite some time ago was standing nearby and realised his fly was undone. That was awesome. Just turned the side of my mouth up a little when he looked up all flustered so he knew it hadn't gone unnoticed. Yes I saw your red undies mate, you didn't get away with it.

So, just so I don't sound like a total cow, I'll share one (I'd be here for days if I shared them all) of my own personal moments of humiliation...

My bestie was over my place for a visit with her kids. Emma was only a few weeks old and was due for a feed very soon, but was sleeping and I was waiting for her to wake. We decided to get some lunch and I volunteered to duck out and grab it for us from red rooster while she stayed and watched the kids.

I'm standing in the line at red rooster when I feel that dreaded tingling/burning feeling when you are about to have a let down of milk and I realise in sudden horror that because I'd just been hanging at home, I did not have "breast pads" on. I stand there waiting for them to cook our lunch, facing this young dude about 20 years old or so when it happens. I look down to see two round wet rings of milk form on the front of my thin white cheesecloth type shirt. Trying to minimise the damage, I pull the shirt out from me and then......the milk starts dripping....DRIPPING onto the tiled floor below me, two constant drips coming out from under my shirt and this dude just stares with his mouth half open obviously thinking "what the hell is happening to that woman??". It was awful....AWFUL. The chick tells me my lunch is ready and I yank it quickly out of her grasp and make a very very fast exit, my face burning red the whole drive home. I never again forgot to wear breast pads I can tell you!

I'm a bit strange though....I often have those embarrassing little moments and look up to realise no-one saw and it is almost disappointing to me. If someone is there with me, I'm like "I so just spat half my drink out by accident, you missed it!" Cause the moment itself isn't overly humorous it's when someone has witnessed it that it becomes funny and embarrassing.

****

Hmm anyways, so I've been absent for a bit, I've ignored my writing of all sorts completely for a week, just couldn't do it for some reason. I opened up the most recent chapter of my book several times and just stared at the blinking cursor feeling totally uninspired about doing it. Not writer's block, the ideas are there, I know what I want to write, I just didn't feel like doing it. Probably because what I am writing at the moment is a positive happy story and I felt a bit miserable this week and just wanted to absorb myself in self pity for a bit. Better effort will be had this week.

Just one...

Just going to have one little chocolate from that box in the fridge. Or maybe two. But definitely no more than that.

Thankyou stranger at the gym on the treadmill

This is just a little shout out to the dude who was running on the treadmill next to me at the gym this morning. I was very very motivated today and after my night shift I stopped at the gym on the way home for a quick run on the treadmill. I told myself I'd TRY to run 5kms without falling asleep but wasn't sure I could do it. I almost gave up at 3km then some random fella got on the treadmill next to me all fit and stuff and ran beside me looking all athletic. I got to 4km and wanted to stop but this annoying dude next to me who was strutting his stufff made me keep going. Buggered if I was going to stop before him! Meanwhile he started a good 20 minutes after I did but I refused to stop until he had. So I ended up running 7km. Impressive after a night duty I reckon. I hope he didn't notice me glaring at him competitively out of the corner of my eye. Or my smug expression when he finally stopped and I was still stumbling along in a sleepy daze, thinking I was all that cause I "beat him". I almost threw my hands up in the air as though a marathon runner breaking the ribbon at the end of the race, people cheering for me everywhere. I almost grabbed my water bottle and poured it over my head too. It would have looked cool, I know it would have. Although I suppose there would be the risk of electrocution being on the treadmill and all. Still....

So I haven't managed to stick with my chapter a day goal....that was a very unrealistic goal to set myself I realise this now, I did my best, I wrote at least 2 hours each day I think....and still have three more days left so you never know I may get there by Sunday. I have a few hours spare now (thanks to my wonderful Dad who is babysitting and said not to rush over after my sleep and to enjoy some "me time" :) :) :) ) So I am going to go hard and get another chapter or two done. I started reading a Jodie Piccult book for the first time yesterday (I know strange but I still try to squeeze in reading books between trying to write my own - I don't watch TV so I need some kind of down time) and now I am feeling hugely intimidated. I can't write clever stuff like that. Hmmmf. No fair. AND I would just like to point out that her books (well the one I am reading anyways) is WRITTEN IN PRESENT TENSE. I knew it wasn't so ridiculous of me to have done that. Too late to change it all back now but anyways.

Well....on that note I am going to go and stuff my face silly since I have not eaten since 11pm last night. Must ignore large box of chocolates in fridge - defeats the whole purpose of having raced random stranger at the gym this morning - MUST NOT EAT JUNK.

Oh - I should mention too, I am going out tomorrow night with my girly friends...out out! Haven't done this in a very very long time and I am really looking forward to it :D We have even booked an apartment to stay at in there since I hate when you reach that point at 2am or whatever where you suddenly change from having an awesome time to "I want to be at home in bed right this very minute" and then you have to endure an hour or so of lining up for a taxi, watching people spew in the gutter *shudder* and then the painful (and expensive) taxi drive home with the scary indian dude who ignores red lights like they are just a recommendation or something and you sit there reminding yourself that you really HAVE to organise getting your Will done. So for only $50 each we can just stumble back to our beds and avoid all that rubbish. AND I suspect we may just realise we are way too old and wrinkly and prudish to be clubbing anymore and we can just go back for some quiet drinks at the apartment instead.

So...have a good weekend all!!

Travel tips for Melbourne....

Apoligies to those who read this back in my facebook days....Kim requested a copy paste, so just ignore if you've read it :P

• It is illegal to take photos on the tarmac at an airport – apparently it can “cause an explosion!”, and if you are oblivious to this rule and find yourself standing with a big grin on your face while your friend takes your photo yelling “wave your arms around!”, a crew person from the flight you are on will come racing over yelling frantically to advise you of your criminal behavior.
• You cannot walk from Queensberry Street all the way to Collins Street with two very large bags on wheels. Don’t think that when people laugh at you when you suggest doing this that they don’t know what they are talking about – it really is IMPOSSIBLE.
• Don’t be alarmed when you see a seagull whooshing past you at 2am in the morning in the middle of the city…this is “normal” in Melbourne.
• If you happen to stay in an apartment that has not provided a full length mirror, this can be frustrating and problematic. However, there are a few solutions to this problem. 1) Try standing on the toilet and then leaping across the bathroom while keeping a firm eye on the mirror, you MAY catch a small glimpse of your ensemble although it is highly likely you will need to try this several times before having any sort of success (please note: socks/stockings make this maneuver dangerous). 2) At night time you can use the windows to get a look at yourself 3) Utilize the hotel lift mirrors. This can be embarrassing if not timed accurately and the doors open mid “pose”. Also becomes a bit of an effort when you are displeased with what you see and need a change of clothes. 4) This is probably the best option – take a photo of your outfit either using the timer or getting your friend’s help.
• If you are prone to the occasional “blonde moment”, it is wise to take a friend who experiences similar episodes so that you don’t feel like the only ditzy person.*Blinds can be complicated – don’t spend 5 minutes pulling the cord in one direction, cursing and carrying on about the “stupid ridiculous blinds that won’t open” only to have your friend walk in and pull the cord in the opposite direction opening the blinds up without a problem – you WILL feel silly. However, you will feel better about it when said friend looks at your blinds and says she is “ripped off” because she only has one thin blind on her window and you have one thin one and one heavy one only to discover she has the same setup and she could have slept in that morning had she known.
• Most glass sliding doors that serve as an entry/exit point to a building have a large green button to the side of them that says “PUSH TO OPEN DOOR” – two people jumping up and down waving their arms around will NOT open the door. And whilst doing this can be understandable the first time you come across such a door, it probably isn’t as acceptable to do it EVERY SINGLE TIME before remembering. People will snicker.
• The best way to spot famous people is to wander aimlessly around alleyways at night with your bread, butter and jam in a 7/11 bag. Don’t mock your friend when she exclaims “LOOK THAT’S PATTI NEWTON IN THAT CAR, I bet she is waiting to pick Bert up” then sit in the gutter for 25 minutes to prove that she is wrong. You’ll feel like an idiot when Bert Newton walks out and gets into Patti’s car. And she will remind you of it on a regular basis.
• Some people who work at 7/11 can be difficult to understand. When you’ve asked them about getting a tram ticket you may find yourself trying to catch what they are saying about “zones”. When they finish you may find yourself saying “so….can we get a ticket?” and this will be followed with more incoherent ramblings about “zones” and you’ll say “so…we CAN’T get a ticket?” and you will end up walking out wondering what on earth just happened and why you didn’t get a ticket.
• Have your friend purchase a pair of boots for the trip. Not just any boots – but boots with some sort of visible fur on the outside. You will be amazed at the entertainment this brings you. At any random moment you will find yourself bursting into song and dance about the “Boots with the fur, the whole club was lookin at her…she hit the floor, next thing you know, shorty got low low low low…”. If this gets old, you can also sing the song about your jacket with the fur…simply adjust the lyrics slightly like so: “HOOD with the fur…the whole club….”. Seriously – it never fails to amuse. Also…a lot of people in Melbourne wear boots with fur…so you will find many many moments to enjoy this simple pleasure.
• Don’t take a night-time cold and flu tablet when on holidays…you will wake up at lunch time and be sad you missed out on half a day of fun.
• If you see someone very late in the evening giving directions to people near a tram station - be careful. You may find yourself demanding more detailed information and trying to pry his little map out of his kung fu grip only to be informed by your friend as you walk away that he had a sign saying he was homeless and would give directions for money. You’ll feel like an idiot – hopefully your friend was clever enough to give them some money on your ignorant behalf.
• Ensure you gather all your belongings when getting off the tram in the wee hours of the morning. You will be sad if you leave your scarf on there. You’ll be even sadder if after realizing and suggesting a “one minute silence” to your friend, she casually points out a nearby woman tying on a very similar scarf to yours.
• Wearing tights under your jeans does provide some very comforting warmth when out and about at night however, once inside the well heated restaurants/pubs/shops you can find yourself in a sort of panic attack about “having to get out of these freakin’ tights RIGHT NOW”.
• Cyclists in Melbourne city seem to be somewhat....aggressive. Be careful not to make eye contact or linger too close to the edge of a road if they are scooting by. You will be greeted with a holler of some description and sadly they are gone too fast for you to shout obscenities back in your defense.
• When attending a concert with a standing room ticket, you may need to take anger management classes beforehand to prepare yourself for people with abnormally fat necks standing in front of you, OR couples spending every moment of the concert passionately smooching each other and blocking your view.
• Whilst KFC does in normal circumstances, induce vomiting and child-birth type pains; at 12am in the morning after 12 hours of not eating and lining up at concerts etc, it WILL taste like the best food you have ever eaten in your life.
• Trams have little maps in them of the various tram lines and their stations. Try not to wet yourself laughing if your friend asks “where is the “YOU ARE HERE” dot?”.
• Watch your toes when standing on a tram – people with huge MASSIVE heavy suitcases can seriously hurt you. The likelihood of it happening to both yourself and your friend during a mere 3 day visit is very very high. (Also…boots with fur provide little protection).
• Be careful when packing a spacer (for use with ventolin) in your bag…people may mistake it for a Swedish penis enlarger.